shot through the center

january seventh, twentyeighteen : photoaday : scared.A few big things will happen this year -that I am sure of. May 18 my oldest will graduate from high school, and June 30 he will turn eighteen years old.What I am not sure of, what my days look like after that. I think back and it is like I can not remember a time without this boy by my side everyday, under the same roof sharing a home. Andrew has been my son, my friend, my (little) man of the house, my protector and my haunted house going with everything in between for almost half of my life.At the ripe age of 19 years old, I met that sweet boy kissing his tiny face in this world and for now almost 18 years we have been inseparable.  I know more of what my life looks like with him here every morning, like it has just always existed this way.Soon enough, I will walk passed an empty room where his mess used to be. Before I know it, I'll be going to bed without having to holler up the stairs -shut it down soon, get some sleep! Right around the corner a time is going to be upon us when coming home in the evening we no longer hear "hey boy! where's my hug?!".  And a quiet, in moments that were filled with little sister scared screams.There are going to be the weekends when Clara and Sam are with Brian, Joshua will be playing his music gigs and the comfort of having Andrew just home with me no longer a thing,Hey adult life, can I get visitation with Andrew every other weekend...... please?! I mean, I know he will just be a phone call away and I know he will be around as much as he can -but my heart still bends with what my home, my day looks like without him here.I'm inside out, shot through the center.Yep, I would say that about sums it up -scared.Take good care, Travel safe.