I believe in love at first sight

because since the day I opened my eyes, I've loved my mom.Last night I was given such a bittersweet gift. As I was driving I glanced into my rearview mirror and saw the face of a friend. A friend I hadn't seen in a few years. A friend who's smile lights up everything around her. A friend, who was taken too young. Then the sky was illuminated with lightning.Last night I took my son and his girlfriend to a movie. As we were driving her home and I was partaking in a little fun having, harassing them of course. Typical practice while talking to someone in the backseat of the car, I quickly glanced up to the rearview mirror to hopefully see the embarrassment on their faces. Only to my surprise, there was her mom.  Her mom was lost just over 3 years ago to an accident, but there she was -A bright light full of life was present right there in my car!  It was that moment I became sad, happy and thankful all in a big ball of tears.I wasn't just thankful to be reminded of such a beautiful soul, I was thankful because at that moment I truly came to understand something.I love my mom dearly, but anytime in my life when I am met with the words "you look like your mom", I kneejerk follow with the psssht no I don't. Not because I don't want to look like her, but there's just a certain auto response on when anyone mentions looking or acting like your parents. I talk to my mom almost everyday, I am sure I exhaust her at that. Probably pretty close to those late nights when I would get off work in high school and yammer her ear off as soon as I would get home still wound up. Yikes! But I always loved knowing she was there, on the couch, waiting for me to get home and would let me tell her about my day/night. Now as I get older I often find myself with worry and wonder what will I do, when I can't just pick up that phone. When I can't text her crazy moments/pictures of the kids or when I no longer get the -turn it to channel - - - - because she knows it is something the kids or I would love to watch. What will it be like, when I just can not see her anymore. But now I know, that as bittersweet as it is, I have the best gift. I have my mom -always. Because looking like my mom, she will always be with me. Looking like my mom, means she is always just a mirror away.Funny, or maybe not funny. Going back a minute, to the funeral services for this same friend, a man that grew up with my mom was singing with the church choir. After the services he said to me as he was looking around the room -he met a pair of eyes and was stopped. He said I saw your mother sitting there, only it was you. And I thought, oh.... ok. But now I know, to an extent, what he saw. I saw it last night in the car. If I would have known, I would have said thank you! From now on, I will say thank you. To all those people who have been telling me when I wasn't ready to listen, thank you! I have been given such a wonderful gift by way of words for years, and now I am ready to receive it. Tuck it in my pocket because I know the day will come that I need it, and when I am ready I can bring her right back to me just by looking in the mirror and allowing myself to say Hi Mom, it sure is great to see you again! Did you see your newest great grandchild today?! Those kids may have drove me bat shit, but we always have a lot of laughs and I sure am proud of the families they are becoming. Of course, they are mad at me for keeping you to myself these days, but I promised I would tell you hi and they love you.  See you soon then........It will be at this point in my life, the kids will be fighting over what to do with my crazy ass.She is always talking to herself in the mirror -I think it is getting worse!We should medicate her!No we should just put her in a home!Why can't she live with you?No, we don't have room... you take her!It will be at this time everyone will fight to deny being the favorite, vs how it is present day fighting on who is the favorite!A simple statement many of us hear at some point in life, and without meaning to sound like we don't want to be like our mothers -we meet such a statement with a haha, no. Now I will embrace it, look for it and know it to be true.Now -I will say Thank you!I am, my mothers daughter. (And I hear tales, if I sport a beard I could pull off being dad as well.....)Sami