an open letter to my kids at christmas

I will always want to spend moments with you, our kids, our grandkids -whether they be any ol day or the holidays.

And while holidays seemingly come with certain expectations that holidays mean time spent with family -what that look likes for us, and for you, we get to decide and you get to decide.

Once you are an adult, you start to be, and to build, your own family -an extension of the one you grew up a part of. And while we are, and always will be, family you are under no obligation to do for anyone else based on what you think is needed to make others happy.

To make us happy.

As you will begin to be pulled in a plethora of directions- you and anyone you chose to spend your life with, your own family, comes first now and that is ok.

For any decline to an invitation, you don't have to prepare reasons, there should be no anxious anticipation of negative reactions -because I love you, I support you.

We can discuss alternatives if wanted for, or we can just converse over the day.

Regular days, birthdays and the holidays shouldn't be navigated based on making mom/dad/mother in law/father in law/grandma/grandpa etc happy.

Decide for you, whether it is just you,you and a partner,you a partner and kids, oryou and kids what does this day look like for you?

What do the holidays look like for you?

You can always take into consideration what mom/dad/whoever would like as far as seeing you, but follow that up always with, what do we want to do?

Have family meetings even, make it a team decision no matter how small or large that team is.

And if anyone in your life tries to make you feel bad for the decision you make based on that, then you don't need that negativity in your life anyway. Wish them a good day but be true to yourself.

Honor yourself. Honor each other. Communicate.

As your mom, I will always ask you if you would like to come visit and I'll ask more sometimes than others but this is simply to remind you that;

You are loved,

You are always welcome in our home,

Your presence always brings joy to us, and again

You are loved.

This is not to impress upon you any perspective in expectations of visit requirements.

There are no requirements, I just want your happiness and you to know the freedom of that.

Anytime missed spending with you may bring some sadness, that is a sadness for me to navigate and feel but that does not in any capacity make you responsible for my happiness or sadness and should never determine the decisions you make for you. Know that with that even missing you, will also come great joy and pride for watching you grow and live in a way that serves your best self.

And as you get on with this part of life you won't always be met with acceptance for your choices and for those that tell you when you don't meet their expectations "it's the holidays, you spend it with family, it's just what you do" well you don't have to. Plain and simple and just because they have always gone along to get along does not mean you are required to also.

Here is to learning our new normal, that will be far from it, ever changing, year to year.

Here is to enjoying the time we can together, without feeling a need of regrets for the time we cannot.

Here is to loving, supporting and living unapologetically for whatever that is, works for our family and each extension of it as we grow.

With love,

Momma