Mountains of Hope, In a Hug

This girl and I haven’t been hanging out in awhile, that tends to happen when I use my tools for big important moments we take a break. But I miss writing and so it’s only fitting I do so looking at this precious face as the last time we were together it was for you.

I sit here each day and just take in and cherish this moment framed so beautifully for me (thank you Michelle Miller). I sit here and find grounding in that moment, the warmth of her hug and acknowledgement of the pure joy I can feel in it. The love I see in myself in that moment I can feel in my heart each time. So much so every time I go to change my profile picture I simply cannot.

Everyone who knows me knows I love pictures, but I don’t often frame them for myself. This one gives me joy, sadness, peace and anger all wrapped up.

Life has continued to be busy, and as I was sitting down for supper on the 3rd of this month, it had been one month, and it felt out of body to just be doing life in that moment sitting there to eat with everyone and yet being back at that time and place just 31 days prior.

I’ve reflected, I’ve cried, I’ve screamed and I’ve laughed but one thing I’ve mostly done is tell people about you and with such a joy in my heart to do so. I don’t know what it looks like, but I know for the rest of my life I want to tell people about you, sweet bossy Emma. I said it so much in the beginning, if you don’t believe in miracles then you don’t know Emma -and as I sit thinking on so many years and moments I know that to be even more true today. Nine years girl, you did the damn thing for nine years!!

Of course I cry when I tell people who ask, and they quickly express sympathy but with thanks I also speak of this is an emotion bigger than I can put into words. Crying doesn’t always denote a sadness, crying simply in itself is an emotion and that can run the gamut. It’s tears filled with joy for knowing you, tears of blessing in the honor of being a part of your life, tears in sadness for your physical absence and tears of joy for the absence of your pain and then there are tears for my family watching those I love and hold dearest trying on clothes for your services.

There is so much we’ve still yet to learn from you and that excites me. Even in your absence I feel a fire in my heart that is a passion of drive and excitement to keep building off the foundation you laid for us.

You have given me so much, and I only hope to always remember the feeling of worthiness you so easily gave. Today these aren’t just tears of sadness, they’re a celebration in I’m ready to know what is next.

I told everyone at your funeral that if you ever felt unworthy, Emma showed you with just one touch how untrue that was.

But you know what else I have realized, it was your Mommy (Mickayla), Daddy (Kory) and Meme that first truly gave me that. Before you were even born they were already showing me that level of love and acceptance at that time I’d only ever know purely from my own babies and I wasn’t even at a place to realize yet.

You emulated the values they already possessed. They’re the best family to have been given the gift of your life and you pushed further surpassing all and we are so damn proud of you! And I’m everyday more proud of them!

Just, Blessings!

Forever surrounded in Emma’s love,

Aunt Sami