Left Lane Closed

Dear Younger Self,

You’re going to live a substantial part of your years misunderstood, both by yourself and others. It is all part of the plan, trust it.

I am sorry for times it will feel like I am denying you opportunities because I choose the happiness of others over yours, trust it.

I am working on doing better, and I know even if I could change the past (or present for you), I wouldn’t, trust that.

Everything you are going through, each hard moment, you survive and darling -you are the most beautiful human I know.

Love,

Your Older Self

…..Ok, wait! Listen, since you are already here, how about a glimpse into your life because you’re not going to believe it!

You will become engaged several times, some just won’t work, you will know.

You have three outstanding children, but I won’t spoil their genders or names for you. They are healthy and quite amazing humans who will also teach you so much about life and yourself. And, you are a great mom, even when you feel like you let everyone down. As you learn with them, through them and by them, you will know.

You will have a marriage that doesn’t last forever. You will be surprised, but you will have gratitude for this marriage and this person because you can see the meanings of lessons it brought you. You both offered your best, but you weren’t the best for each other which will cause struggling thoughts for years but when it’s time, you will know.

Then, sometime after, you will meet a man who is patient, the forever and the purest love of your life. He won’t waver, he stays by your side and tells you he is there to hold your heart safe. So learn what you need to and in the time you need -he won’t go anywhere, he wants to know the authentic you, just as bad as you do. You will experience resistance, it’s different and as you work on self trust, you will also learn a trust in his love, you will know.

When he asks you to marry him it will be like something out of a dream, perfectly timed, simple and very unexpected. It’s ok to stay in that space of engagement for awhile, there will be periods you can’t wait to be married and other periods where you feel there is no rush, you will know.

You will move out of state with him to the most beautiful area, home and next step in this journey. You will navigate career changes together, you will thrive and grow together, you are a team in every sense and deserving of finding your paths, trust it.

When it’s time to get married, as the plans start to organically flow it hits and suddenly you realize you are planning the wedding of your dreams (everything you do and don’t want) and it might be like nothing you could have imagined but, you will know.

Now we know me, and you will still overthink it up until this point, but when the knowing comes, when you pick the rings -when everything you each want so perfectly matches, you will know.

And wait til you see who is marrying you both! You will never guess it in a million years, you never could have even come up with the idea. That is the beauty of it, this information of someone already ordained just falls in your lap at the most perfect time and you know, yes, this was meant to happen this way. Goodness, as I sit here with tears streaming down my face, how I wish I could tell you! But, you will know.

All of the years you spend living in a space where you feel different but aren’t quite sure what or why, lean in to that and everything like a trust fall, (I'm serious) trust it.

When you have a support system built of self love, the love of your children and the love of a man who shows you a kindness and acceptance you’ve never known before, trust it.

A knowing will exist inside of you, an understanding that you and everyone in your life is doing the best they can, with what they have in any given day. There are new realizations and boundaries that are without ill feelings or bitterness, but to even further facilitate your greater circle, your safe place of healing, trust it.

The universe has plans to unfold it all for you when you are ready, piece by piece, with an ability to grow with it, trust it.

It will all come together for you. The knowing, and unknowing of who you’ve been, who you are, and who you’ve yet to be. When you get this one intricate piece of information about yourself, you will know.

Now normal fashion is to always add a photograph to a post, it’d ruin the surprise to add a picture of you -so instead I will leave you with a picture you took.

See you in the déjà vu.

Take good care and travel safe,

Samantha