Sleepover at Emma’s (pt. 4)

This might be a (let’s clean a little house) read.

What is it now? Sunday May 2, 2021

The next parts, might be somewhat out of order in the smaller details but I'm just going to write organically as I remember and forgo worrying about the perfect chronological. Those big moments, I know where those are.

Emma has now had a full twenty four hours of comfort care, plus some.

We’ve been in town to the pharmacy to get prescriptions, one being for me.

When I said I didn’t pack for a (life event) I meant that. And here I was in a position that I could not, not have my thyroid medicine.

While we were there waiting as the pharmacy made magic happen, I saw in the baby gift stuff an ornament, Jesus Loves Me, a song Kory was singing to Emma often.

Yep I lost my shit in the pharmacy and ended up laughing through my tears.

And I bought the Angel Ornament, we hung it in her room when we got back.

I couldn’t even tell you how many people, or who they were, but, people in masses made sure to bring us food and coffee through all hours of everyday.

Then there was Michelle who was the biggest rockstar showing up with foods and coffees, I don’t know what pixie dust she used to zoom around for such errands. She took care of US while also being there WITH US.

Michelle also let me take a break by showering at her house, just around the bend. Those little breaks saved me.

Her family embraced this crazy disheveled lady coming into their home, they didn’t even bat an eye I was just as easily Aunt Sami at their house.

WE were ALL going through this, and it had to be TOGETHER!

At some point I had to do some laundry too, because of all the times to under pack, this was of course it!

While I needed to wash my clothes, I found these epic boxers of Kory’s to borrow, covered in squirrel nuts! Always something to provide comedic relief in the midst of sorrow. Although I do ride a squirrel shotgun fairly well, if I do say so myself.

Sunday was less eventful I guess, it was more robotic to a degree.

We were going through the motions managing meds, emotions feeling a bit stale. We were in the wait and I think by this time we weren’t expecting it (death) around the corner every second, after that first day.

Exactly what is was, a waiting.

Family came in to visit, we’d take turns sitting in Emma’s room with her. Someone was always with her each getting our own time as well as a few at a time hanging out keeping her surrounded and part of the gang.

Miss Nonie was there the whole time too. Not as Emma’s nurse, but as Emma’s family. And some may not know, but Miss Nonie was set to retire soon and they were having the hardest time, from what I hear, securing another nurse to fill that place.

But it wasn’t for anyone else, that place was only for Miss Nonie.

So it goes, we see another moment of God’s perfect plan playing out. Miss Nonie was setting herself to retire, only the plan was for her to not be needed anymore (not for Emma). Here we were and whether or not it didn’t help, we’d watched her almost prepare herself to not be needed in this place, for Emma, anymore.

Over the course of that week Maddie would retreat to her Mom and Dad’s room for alone time as needed, she was real good at that, and good at letting me check in on her too.

There came a time we were hanging out with Kory and Mickayla in their room.

I remember sitting on the bed, near the foot facing Mickayla sitting up near the head of the bed.

Out of no where Mickayla started talking - So hey… (if you’ve ever heard Mickayla’s “So, hey…” you know).

So hey, you know we’re going to want you to write … right?!

And if you know me, you’d know I was actually shook. I don’t think highly of myself in the aspect of being worthy for such a task. I don’t. I don’t know what you may know about me, or think you know about me but I was completely and utterly shook.

But apparently, THEY (Mickayla & Kory), had already discussed this years prior and knew way back this was a task they’d hand me.

NO CLUE! Why had I had never ever contemplated or had one inkling of a thought about this….

Here we were, becoming more and more aware that it was really here, it was really time Emma was going to die and now my brain is trying to comprehend the fact they want me to write this sweet girl’s obituary.

But wait!

There’s more!

There. Is. Always. More.

By the way, we want you to give the Eulogy..

That lump in my throat grew exponentially to the point I just couldn’t even swallow.

Man, reliving that moment. It wasn’t a moment where you say, we don’t need to talk about that, we aren’t there…

Because we were.

I’m still in awe that they asked, and that I did those things, what an absolute HONOR.

In the midst of keeping Emma comfortable, I tried asking questions while others visited. Starting conversations for data mining from those who’d been around here more in recent years where I’d been living in another state.

It also helped fill the room with laughter and smiles celebratory over Emma’s life.

A life she LIVED for 9 YEARS- when at 6 WEEKS old she had died multiple times.

We didn’t expect a year. We prayed for it, we hoped for it, but I don’t think any of us expected it (no matter what words sprung off the vocal chords) .

Then there was this point she was at such optimal health for her, that we, (I think we) thought we made it through the thick of it.

So when real decline started to happen we were maybe living in this false sense of expectation for her to always turn it around and bounce back.

She quit bouncing back a long time before this, each bounce back was less and less.

Here we were going into another long night ahead, still giving morphine every 2 hours, lorazepam every 4 hours, atropine every 6 hours and zofran every 12 hours.

Whats funny about that, I couldn't even tell you what meds I take and when during the day. Here we are.

Michelle had really pulled up my bootstraps and had began helping every chance, the being awake every 2 hours was definitely wearing on me. She was there with me each time and even took a shift allowing me a 4 hour window that was simply a necessity.

Another tiddly bit you may not know, Michelle and I hadn’t known each other much prior to this week.

I didn’t know Michelle, but I did know that because of Michelle, I felt ok with being away. I knew they all had someone helping and being there and taking care of them. I knew Mickayla still had a person who could and would drop everything to be there at a moments notice.

I was right and when it was time we made the greatest team, we didn't know each other but we worked like sisters. I couldn’t have done it without Michelle. To let Mickayla, Kory and even Miss Tonie be relieved of some of those tasks, it was everything.

Sunday was peculiar, looking at Emma still seeing her when she was clearly, not her anymore.

But I only see this, the accurate version, now when I look back and remember how she looked and it definitely wasn't much of her anymore.

To look at her you would have thought she was mottling but yet she wasn’t, gosh she looked so different.

It might have been sometime Sunday afternoon Mickayla just kept uttering about, what or who is she waiting for. We kept talking, taking inventory of who had been to see her, we were almost all there, almost.

Man was she holding on, but her exterior no longer looked it.

Too be continued…

Take good care and travel safe,

Sami

Images from here out will be small moments in remembering her in life, once she was transitioning out of the home in her body, no more pictures were taken. <3