your first breath

took mine away.I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wanted to be a mom. And just a couple of months after I turned 19, I found out that was becoming a reality.It was December 1999 and noticing a few changes in myself I just knew I was pregnant. But I had taken a pregnancy test that was negative, so I went about life for a couple of more weeks. Come the first week of January I still felt something was off so I went in to Rexall Pharmacy on the square in Beardstown (thinking that small store would be less likely to run into friends/family) and bought a second pregnancy test. Low and behold, positive! I was secretly ecstatic. Being 19 and with a man that not everyone saw much sparkle in, I knew I couldn't just jump up for joy. I remember calling my sister first, and her of course making me tell her husband (my overprotective big brother (in law)) before I got off the phone. Unfortunately the father wasn't overly excited when I told him and went on the lamb for a couple of days. Be that as it may, I knew this baby and I would be great. I knew he was my angel from the beginning, saving me from a not so productive path I was on. Of course telling my parents wasn't without excitement. Dad came out to pick me up and we took a ride. He offered me a beer (somehow I think he knew) and when I turned it down of course he said well, we will have to tell your mother. As we get to their house in time for supper, just dad and I walk in and he said well mom, do you have enough for 2 more? She said what? And he said you're going to be a grandmother! She looked up from the food she was preparing and sighed, Sami Ann! That as they say, was that!It wasn't long and I had the pleasure of morning sickness all day long. Although I found I could eat anything with vinegar on it, green beans and spinach were my 2 favorites (for breakfast)! For a short while I had a job working a block from my Mom so we rode to work together and I slept on a bean bag at her work on my lunches! Little did I know that all of these things would end up being the least of my worries. About 24 weeks along I went in to preterm labor. I was given shots of terbutaline, monitored and the labor did stop. About a week later I was back at the hospital with contractions. They were again able to stop the labor, this time I was sent home on strict bedrest and with a prescription of terbutaline to take on a schedule with the addition of more doses if/when contractions would start again. I mean I was told the only reason I should be getting up was to use the bathroom! I picked up making things for the baby, a blanket and some bibs and I had my mom take me for a hair cut -something shorter and easier to just wash and lay back down....... don't you worry, you will see that amazing handy work below (I learned not to say, easy and the shorter the better.....)! We were in and out of the hospital. I was given even more meds that made me puke up my great great great great grandparents socks! I had an amniocentesis in Jacksonville that restarted my labor, sending me by ambulance to Springfield. At St. Johns they adjusted my meds and were able to stop the labor, again. They also said the Magnesium sulfate that had made me so sick should have had the dose altered and managed closely and with that I was no longer as sick. I was moved to the antenatal unit of St. Johns with the instructions I would be there until I delivered and the next time I went into labor they would no longer try to stop it! We were still only about the gestation week 30. Wouldn't you know it, minds were changed again -I was sent home. Just like that a week later I was having contractions again. It was late June 29th, 2000. The pills I had were of no help so off we went. Mom drove me back to Springfield and let me tell you -that woman can speed! As soon as we got into the hospital in the room, I was given a shot of terbutaline immediately. To sleep I went.Waking up the morning of June 30th, I was feeling my contractions come back. I may have hurried to order breakfast because I knew that they would not let me eat when they found out. Just like that, in comes a nurse with more terbutaline. I had decided before that point, he was ready -I was ready. I was fully confident that if just 7 hours after efforts to stop labor, labor came back, there was a reason. We had received the shots to help his lungs mature weeks ago, I didn't want anymore drugs. I just wanted to trust my gut. I will never forget the nurse was such a snot! Of course I was 19 so what did I know!? But she got the paperwork for me to sign refusing intervening attempts and let labor happen.  She made sure to say her peace, that if I chose this and I went, great, but if labor stalled they would NOT help it along -I was on my own. Labor actually picked up quite quickly. Before long I had my epidural and was sleeping the day away (ask my mom, all I could hear was this isn't fair you aren't suppose to sleep through labor)! My dilation was stalled at a 7 for awhile, when a doctor came to check me he asked why hadn't my water been broke to help... well because your nurse said I would not receive such help! He quickly broke my water and bam! It was time to push. Of course, it couldn't be that easy. I was only able to push every other contraction as his heart rate would go down during contractions/pushing. But it still wasn't long at all and finally at 8:24pm on June 30th Andrew Kyle Sipes was born! He was 4lbs 4ozs but doing great! I was even able to hold him before he was taken to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit for being premature). Our due date was August 30th, he was exactly 8 weeks early born at 32 weeks gestation.I could hardly wait for my lower half to wake up so I could go see him. I already hated being away from him, but I did know he was doing great and did not even require oxygen! Ordered more food while I waited and soon we were on our way to see him! I never wanted to put him down, he may have had a lot of cords but no oxygen was an amazing sign!I was only able to stay inpatient a couple of days then I had to go home, alone. That was the longest, hardest car ride of my life. But I was back bright and early the next morning. They could not keep me away -except for shift change when they kicked me out. I left that NiCU to pump, pee and occasionally eat. He is where I needed to be. There is no way to describe the experience of watching your baby through an incubator -where you have to have permission to touch them, pick them up and hold them. But I wasn't going to miss a second of it. My brother and sister in law came to visit and I was very lucky they drove me to Champaign so I could pick up a car from my sister to borrow. Every year on the Fourth of July when I am in my car, seeing the fireflies everywhere, the tall green corn and fireworks in the sky I still flashback to that drive home in her car -finally knowing I now had a surefire way to come and go as early and as late as I wanted at the hospital without having to interrupt more of my moms schedule. Everyone in my family was over the top supportive, Andrew and I truly were lucky. Just 2 weeks and 3 days, my baby was able to come home! Drinking breast milk like a champ and finally able to hold his temperature!Tonight at 8:24pm, Andrew Kyle Sipes will become another year older. Fifteen years old, it is incredibly hard to believe it really has been that long. We have laughed, cried and screamed a lot over the years. There have been countless adventures and a lot of goofing off. For 5 years we were just us, he was my main squeeze, my best friend and even my protective man of the house. Andrew still moves mountains to help in any way that he can. But he is still a teenage boy and with that comes moments of stubborn and lazy days. We are not perfect, but we are us. I will always tell him the story of how he saved my life. I will always tell him he is my angel. And I will always tell him of the angel who watches his back, the one he was named after.Those first 5 years being a single mom may have had it's struggles but I wouldn't change any of it for the world, it was some of the best years of my life. Rough start be damned, Andrew has become such a smart, hard working and compassionate young man. I look forward to seeing him continue to grow, the places life will take him and someday the family he will have on his own.Sami