Stitched Together

I grew up where the norm was to point out others (flaws). Whether it be commenting about a stranger, telling a friend or even a family member how something about them was less than desirable.

We grow up learning what we see and that, was that I had any right to tell another human being what was right or wrong about who they are, what they do, what they look like.

Surrounding myself with those who lived in this practice I was also subject to being told all my life what was imperfect about me -by someone else's standards. And of course, I followed by example and did the same to others.

I never felt good about it. I don't ever remember doing it to make me feel better about what I perceived to be my flaws. I know people say that in some cases people tear each other down to feel better about themselves.

But I do remember anytime I spoke negatively to someone else about my apparent preference on their appearance, or spoke to anyone about someone else's appearance it didn't feel good, nothing felt better. But I did it -go along to get along I guess. I didn't recognize within myself it felt bad because it was wrong, or that it felt bad because that isn't who I am in my soul -I hadn't remotely woken to be self aware enough for that revelation.

I just knew -it didn't feel good.

As I got older I initiated this behavior less and less but have still struggled falling into gossip conversation when others lead. Even the slightest engagement in conversation just to appease those partaking in such -just to not speak up against them.

(Person In My Life: "Oh my gosh, do you see what she is wearing? What is she thinking? This that and the other looks terrible!")

(Me: "Oh, yah.........")

Even minimal, I participated enough insinuating I agreed with PIML's opinion about someone else and it felt icky.

When inside, the real me, was always saying I could care less what they are wearing.Who cares? It's not my business, nor my story.

I realize how much unnecessary energy that expends to put any negative emotion out in the universe on how someone else is dressing -or in anyway living their life.

I realize how exhausting that it is to care about others in appearance or how they are just doing their life.

I realize, in turn, the exhaustion experienced by overthinking everything I do in my own life because if I am existing thinking it is my right to validate or invalidate others -and if I am surrounding myself with those who live this way -what are they thinking of me at all times?

It can be hard to break a habit, even if it is one you were never in alignment to begin with. But I've been doing it, for the greater happiness of my heart and soul, and for the hope my kids will want to be kind humans and feel the happiness unconditional acceptance and love can bring.

I've learned for my own happiness and health, to recognize this habit in others and to minimize my interaction with them in this life. And if the situation arises where someone else becomes the topic of negative conversation I can just stop talking.

While I didn't understand before how to react, or not react in these situations -I now know I don't need to participate even minimally to appease a person I'm in conversation with, I don't need to validate what they are feeling.

I also don't need to counter with debate in any capacity on how their opinion or words of someone else doesn't feel good to me, I don't need to invalidate what they are feeling.

Even if I cease my participation in conversation, I am not judging you. I am not here here for that. I am just learning to live in ways that resonate with my own soul, and one of those being it is ok to not converse in ways that aren't in alignment with that.

It's never too late to do something different.

It's never too late to just be kind, show acceptance for others in their own life.

We don't have to like everything about everyone else -but we don't have to not like the things either.

We are just here, being humans.

Unlearning my (flaws), picking up the pieces and day by day, learning me.

Take good care and travel safe,

Sami

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