When I'm Here: But Not

So this man, this love of my life knows a lot of my worries whether they be daily or big picture and he sends me this...... he knows I worry someday 'what if I forget him'.

I just want to say that I hope everyone has a person that supports them no matter what, no matter how hard -hard gets, just unconditional love and support. It doesn't have to be your life partner, but just any one person for you to feel completely yourself and safe with.

Living through a pandemic has made the hard things almost unbearable some days, but I know at every beginning middle and end to a day I'm safe supported loved and wanted unconditionally.

We continue learning so much about ourselves and each other and that is not all sunshine. Sometimes just learning about yourself can be difficult, it's a positive difficult, but difficult none the less.

Then when you're able to process enough of a new self discovery to put words to it and share with your partner is another sometimes difficult step.

But I know he encourages everything within me and I him.

I chuckle sometimes because so much in life is a bit opposite of what I previously thought, just like thinking sunshine helps things to grow but in reality some of my biggest growth comes from learning and knowing my shadow aspects.

There is where the real shit happens and it's so damn beautiful.

I've definitely turned inward a lot in the last year, inward from fear of the world we are living in -a pandemic, loss of human decency in a depletion of people just being kind to one another, an unimaginable level of this country full of humans unwilling to just respect that we will, do and can have different views and can still all exist together peacefully.

Turning inward for self preservation is sometimes very necessary and is the furthest thing from selfish. So much good can come of it, so much self awareness, self love, self growth.... but in the moment from the outside it may just look like someone is becoming distant and pushing everyone away. Sometimes turning inward is simply existing in a protected space and to the outside world I'm here, but I'm not.

In reality, we are just wanting to find our ground, to heal ourselves so that we know we are able to live authentically without apologies so we can give our best to those we love and encourage them to do the same.

It has been a hard year, but one that is giving back tenfold the fruits of our labor in this work, in this space of unconditional and judgment free space we provide for each other and those around us.

If anyone ever feels so alone, just need to talk to someone impartial that will listen unconditionally judgment free that won't try to tell you what you should or shouldn't do but let you figure that out for your own truth, we are here!

Take good care and travel safe,

Sami